I don’t normally blog about my feelings and emotions unless it’s related to a new model, a thing I have or such the like. And when I do, those feelings and emotions are pretty much always good.
But I am human and I do have days when I just want to curl up in a ball and block out the whole world.
Blogging is one of the things that really makes me happy. I love it. It’s like it’s almost therapeutic for me.
Also crafting can make me feel great but sometimes, if I do too much then I can get really down and start thinking about the pointlessness of life, why do I exist, how we’re all going to die eventually and then I just sink in to a black hole and can’t come out until my mum gets so fed up, we end up having an argument and then I tell her my feelings and she makes it all better.
sorry if I just ruined your day
Another thing that really gets me down is seeing other people riding. Which is inescapable where we live.
It makes me jealous of the rider cause I’m not them and I wish I was, it makes me question my love of horses cause ”if loving horses so much when I can’t interact with them causes me so much pain then whats the point?” and it makes me fall down another black hole where I wish my life was that of an incredibly rich person who could pretty much have everything they ever wanted i.e. a stable full of horses, a mansion, a walk in wardrobe, a… You get the picture.
Something that really helps my lack of horses slump is my volunteer job with the RDA.
I’ve never written about this before although I have meant to and I have now decided that next weeks post will be about that.
Anyways… My volunteer job basically has me next to a horse/pony for around two hours a week. Sure it’s not riding but it still helps.
And the last thing that gets me down is my lack of friends. I have a grand total of three close friends and then two other friends. I am a social person although I pretend not to be. I need to be surrounded by people to be perfectly happy and living where I do and not going to school makes that quite hard.
The friends that I do have are brilliant and I love them all but for me five friends that I either never see or see not very often is just not enough for me to thrive.
I do have my ”online friends” as well of course but even they are few. They are great! But few.
Anywaysss I’m sorry this post has been so dreary but I never really let this stuff out and I kinda cracked today.
I’m not using this as a plea for sympathy or friendship, I just… I guess I just wanted you all to know that I’m not perfect and if I don’t post on a saturday, sometimes it’s because I haven’t been able to find the motivation or the confidence to. Or sometimes it’s because I just havn’t been bothered cause I feel crap.
Again sorry for the long dreary post, I promise next week’s will be happier.If you’ve read all the way through, thankyou 🙂